these are the moments

a little background first... my grandma and i email back and forth about every week or so. she has recently shared many memories and bits of advice for her newly wed granddaughter... which i appreciate and love so much. i also recently shared these feelings with zak as well the other night and in light of sharing them twice already, thought i'd do it one more time. so here goes...

there are 3 exact moments in my life where i remember very distinct feelings of being overwhelmingly calm and at home...

the very first was just months before i met zak, when my ex had broken up with me. i was a complete wreck, bawling my eyes out in his room right before having to go back home from a visit with him; the visit that he helped me find my apartment just before i went to massage school. i was crying so hard and sitting there so distraught and feeling so alone and all of a sudden it felt like God hugged me and said it will be alright. right then i knew i'd be ok and that something good was to come of this... i'm not saying i instantly got over it, but i knew everything was going to work out.

the second one was back in november 2003, zak and i had been dating just over a month and he was taking me to philadelphia to meet his mom for the first time. i was so nervous, but while driving east on route 80 i looked over at him and got that calming feeling and i knew right then i was going to spend the rest of my life with him. i know it doesn't sound like much, but it was just one of those surreal moments.

the third happened just a day or so before the wedding. i was overly stressed and was overwhelmed by all the family flocking around and all that had to be done and zak just took me in his arms without saying a word and i just melted. he made it all go away even if just for a moment and made me feel like i wasn't alone in this... he was there with me. now, we didn't write our vows and i only read over the ceremony probably that day, so it was almost funny to me that our vows included "may my arms be your home" because that is exactly how i felt when he held me.

these are the moments that keep me together when i'm feeling flustered/frustrated... especially with zak. i will never forget those moments.

why?

ok, so i've always been a big believer in "everything happens for a reason"... i feel that way about my life and everything that's happened. however, i have a really hard time believing it when it comes to certain people in my life... a certain friend has been dealt more than her share of misfortunes in life, each time feeling knocked down, but always gets back up and keeps fighting. i picture a boxer, getting relentlessly hit by his/her opponent, getting knocked down, and beat up, but still standing back up and trying to keep fighting. she is truly strong and someone i admire and look up too... i don't feel she deserves to keep getting hit so hard so often! i'm just having a hard time dealing with this because it's someone i love and i don't like to see people i love hurt... especially for so long!

all i have to say to her is: first, you don't deserve it. second, anything you need, i will do my best to help! even if it's just listening on the phone or through email.

well... i was planning on posting info and pics from the wedding, but now i don't feel so in the mood... i feel like i'm just too lucky... that too many bad things have happened to one of the best people i know and i've just had it so easy. she doesn't deserve what she's going through and i wish i could help!

miss you girl... feel better!